Embrace Diversity

I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14

In this world you will find that no two people are exactly the same.  Even in the case of identical twins, if you observe their habits and daily living, you will find they are quite unique.  You may notice two red-robin birds yet if you get closer you will see the color slightly varied. Marriage is not about a perfect match or how many things you have in common; however, it is taking two distinct individuals and bringing them into a balanced harmony with one another. We know that you have realized by now just how different you both are; therefore, embrace your diversities opposed to seeking to change one another.

            These differences do not have to be a struggle or a distraction in your marriage.  In fact, they should present an opportunity for enhancement and growth. Your spouse’s unique tastes, interesting habits, and peculiar preferences are sure to add stimulation to your marriage.  It is not wise to try and influence those harmless and unfamiliar ways about your spouse to become more like what you are familiar with or what you prefer. However, when you embrace what your spouse brings to the marriage it will create a belonging and shared openness. Try it! In doing so, you just may learn something new about yourself. 

            When you open up and invite the uniqueness of your spouse to partner with your own uniqueness you both will find new and exciting ways to interact with one another. Furthermore, you will relieve yourself from the stress of trying to change someone that God didn’t give you permission to change. He holds the blueprint to your spouse’s make-up and declares it to be distinct.  Try not to waste your days, months, and years on negative views that you have formed about your spouse; instead, try embracing the fact that you are both distinct and irreplaceable.

From Anthony and Patrice Martin

Keep Compromise out of Your Relationship

Colossians 3rd Chapter (whole chapter) and Romans 8:5-8

     Can a Christian Married couple take a stand against a compromising lifestyle?  The answer is Yes; providing they both come into an agreement concerning what they value the most.  This will determine the extent of how they will live.  

     Every married couple has priorities in their relationship.  These are the areas the couple give their attention to the most.  It could be their children, finances, careers, education, social life, or some other area.  There are some married couples who even list their priorities according to what they know should be important, however, is this their reality? For example; a married couple may have God first on their list, one another, and their children as their most important areas.  This may be the desire however, the couple may start to experience a pull into other areas that takes them away from their desired priorities. If this kind of thing happens the couple will need to make the necessary adjustments in keeping their order from becoming hindered. They must see those three areas as an absolute must in making their relationship thrive.

     Jesus said in the Gospel of Luke chapter 12; verse 34, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  Notice the word usage that Jesus used when he said, “treasure,” indicating where one places his values.  He went on to conclude the heart will be where the values (treasures) are.  As Christians we are to value our relationship with God more than anything else and allow nothing to interfere to the point where compromise is suggested.  It is critical that married couples hold true to their faith and seek to practice the values as outlined in scripture. This serves as the root and foundation that holds their marriage together and should not be compromised at any point.  Think about the stability of a chair that has four legs.  The legs would be considered the foundation of the chair, how strong would the foundation be if one of the legs started to come loose?  How strong would the marital and family life be if the values of that supports their faith starts coming loose or compromised? 

     It is important that Christian married couples caution themselves from thinking flesh (carnality) first; and spiritual (Christ-like) second.  If the recipe is Carnality before Spirituality (Christ-like) the results will be as follows: (1.) corruption into the relationship, (2.) ungodly interaction toward one another, and (3.) divided thoughts and emotions.  In the Gospel of Mark chapter 3: verse 25, “And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”  He shares with us that anytime division is present it corrupts and brings things down.  Just think, if a married couple does not practice the values of the faith; places more emphasis on secular living, and doesn’t set standards for their marriage, what do you believe will happen?  The husband and wife will live compromisingly and bring upon themselves hardships.  

     It is important that each married couple evaluate three things; (1.) Their practice (that is, how they are really living before God?); (2.) What are the challenged areas they are experiencing toward one another their relationship? and (3.) are they bringing order to the relationship, in defining it by God's Word?  The couple must come to the conclusion that compromising the values of God, marriage, and family is a recipe for disaster.  It may not show it in the beginning however, over a period time the relationship will start deteriorating spiritually and emotionally.  

     We encourage you to hold fast to these three pillars which are God, marriage, and family.  If you make these your main priorities and give them the attention that is needed; you will the experience peace and fulfillment that only God can give.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.  Galatians 5:1 (KJV)

Teamwork in Marriage

Welcome to a brief dialogue that we believe will provide a bit of practical advice for your marriage:

Working Together is Important:

From Anthony
To the Couple: Marital life can feel like the Olympics. You compete in one event after another. You go from finances to the kids; from work to duties at home; you are on the clock from morning to evening with short breaks in between. The domestic side of marital life can feel like one big completion. However, one way to win in your days and weeks is to employ the concept and practice of teamwork. It takes both working together within define roles that will make a tremendous difference in your outcomes.

Practical Tip for Husband: Husbands pick up your share in the daily load and avoid the “Dictatorship Complex.” You know, delegating to the wife and children what seems beneath you? You are in partnership with your wife and sometimes we must take on a few roles that we think should come from our wives such as laundry, getting dinner started, checking homework, or cleaning around the home. Remember it is all about teamwork.

From Patrice

To the Couple: The comparison my husband made between marital life and the Olympics is a really good one.  In Olympic Field events, there are several competitions going on at once. If a plan is not in place to keep these things organized, the result can be total chaos. Marital home life is the field where the most important events take place.  Having a structure in place is necessary, but the flexibility to adjust when unforeseen events take place is key.  It takes the attitude of teamwork and communication to keep chaos to a minimum.

Practical Tip for the Wife:  Wives, communicate to your husband the things that would help keep you from becoming overwhelmed in home life.  We have a tendency to take on so much and expect our husbands to know what we need without saying a word.  We allow our needs to go unaddressed and when we can no longer internalize our concerns, we respond with irrational emotions.  This is not healthy for you, nor is it fair to your husband.  A successful marriage allows each partner to share in the work of marital life.  Communication takes the “guesswork” out of what it will take to be a winning team.

How you Handle your Spouse is Key:

From Anthony

To the Couple: Another awesome ingredient to winning as a team is encouragement. Try offering this virtue toward one another. I want you to stop what you are doing for a few seconds, sit back, and picture a team (any team) going at one another with harsh criticism, arguing, or distant while competing. What are their chances at achieving a successful outcome? In marital life we need to encourage our teammate (spouse) in the roles they have in the partnership. This builds morale, keeps energy flowing, and helps to keep one another focused on the objectives.

Practical Tip for the Husband: Select your words wisely when speaking to your wife. If there is an area of concern that you want to address begin with encouraging words. Give her praise for her contributions and celebrate her. Then tenderly address the area in staying with the objective of the team. There are times where your wife may deviate from the objective like any player does on a team; yet remember she wants to win too so help refocus her on the objective in gently reinforcing both of your roles. My wife will tell the wives the same thing because we get out of our roles at times as husbands.

From Patrice:

To the Couple: Have you ever been told there is good news and bad news then asked which do you want first?  People commonly want the good news first.  In a marriage we would love to hear what makes us feel good all the time, but this is not realistic.  This is why choosing how you use your words and the tone in which you say them can influence the morale and climate of your marriage.  Your spouse is your closest connection and your words can have tremendous effects.

Practical Tips for Wife:  Wives, be very mindful of the tone you use when speaking to your husband.  We have a tendency to speak rapidly and excitedly when our emotions are strong.  When you are communicating an area of concern to your husband, first build him up by acknowledging his strengths. Doing so creates a calm environment where your husband can listen with ease.  Consider how you want to be approached and handled when your husband speaks to you. Remember, you and your husband are a team.  He is on your side and would never intentionally hurt you. Your goal is to win in your marriage, so think before you speak. 

In Conclusion: We hope and pray that this short dialogue will help to refocus you both that your marriage is much like teamwork. If you work together, understand your roles, encourage one another, and most of all keep the Lord Jesus at the head of your marriage you will experience positive results and move your marriage in the right direction!

Have a Jesus Christ Day!

From Anthony and Patrice

Selecting Healthy Emotions in Marriage - Day Two

On today, spend time evaluating the emotions that build up your marriage and the ones that can tear them down. Remember, you can select healthy emotions or unhealthy ones, the choice is yours. 

Realization Exercise: Make a list, on one side put the Healthy Emotions and on the other side The Unhealthy Emotions. Write out the emotions that you have found in your bible reading from yesterday, such as Colossians chapter 3; and Galatians 5:22-23;  for example: Write Love on the Healthy Side; and Unforgiveness on the other side. Give a short definition for each. Do this for each healthy and unhealthy emotion that you have listed.

When you finish look at the definitions it will really open you and your spouse up to the reality of what comes behind such emotions. 

May you have a productive time in your study!

Selecting Healthy Emotions in Marriage - Day One

On today, spend time going through the bible and finding healthy emotions as outlined in Scripture. Whenever you release good and positive emotions your marriage will benefit. The idea is to select fruitful emotions over the ones that can create harm to the relationship.  

Once you have identified key scriptures that reinforce godly emotions, discuss what they are suggesting to you and your spouse. In addition, discuss how they can benefit your marriage. Two good places to start in the bible are Colossians the entire 3rd Chapter and Galatians 5:22-23.


May you have a productive time in your study!

Catastrophic Conditions in Marriage - Day Four

On today, spend time going through the bible and finding cases where people were facing the challenges that Jesus listed in the Gospel of Luke 4:18-19. Write out the case, what took place, and the scripture reference beside the case. Discuss each case and give a biblical solution. 

For example:
Challenge: Brokenhearted:
Case: (give some details about the why the person was brokenhearted)
Scripture Reference: (what is the scripture book: verses)
Solutions to the Case: (what are some biblical solutions?)

Remember to review days one and two.

May you have a productive time in your study!

Catastrophic Conditions in Marriage - Day Three

On today, take time to review Days One and Two with your spouse. Reflect on the areas that Jesus spoke of in the Gospel of Luke 4:18-19; Go over the meanings both literal and figurative from Day One. In addition, continue your discussion on how these areas can affect your relationship with one another if they go unaddressed and not solved from Day Two.

May you have a productive time in your review study!